The Not-So-Funnies

“I think most people are concerned with the IRS.”
-Malcolm Forbes, when asked if he was afraid of terrorism.

“Can any of you seriously say the Bill of Rights could get through Congress today? It wouldn’t even get out of committee?
-F. Lee Bailey

“Communism is like one big phone company.”
-Lenny Bruce

“Government does not solve problems, it subsidizes them.”
-Ronald Reagan

“Why doesn’t everybody just leave everybody else the hell alone?”
-Jimmy Durante

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
-Lily Tomlin

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.”
-Albert Einstein

“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”
-P.J. O’Rourke

“No man’s life, liberty and property are safe while legislature is in session.”
-Mark Twain

“Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.”
-Jay Leno

“Isn’t it about time we found Congress in contempt of the people?”

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
-Will Rogers

“Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.”
-Frederic Bastiat

“Liberals want the government to be your Mommy. Conservatives want the government to be your Daddy. Libertarians want to treat you like an adult.”
-Andre Marrou

“One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.”

“There is nothing so bad that politics cannot make it worse.”
-Thomas Sowell

“One of the things government can’t do is run anything. The only things our government runs are the post office and the railroads, and both of them are bankrupt.”
-Lee Iacocca

“All government programs accomplish the opposite of what they are designed to achieve.”
-John Pugsley

“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want, and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.”
-Richard Lamm

“It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice; I consider the real vice is making losses.”
-Winston Churchill

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”
-Groucho Marx

“Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.”
-Charles DeGaulle

“Laws are like sausages. You sleep far better the less you know about how they are made.”
-Otto von Bismark

“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.”
-Gerald Barzan

“If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.”

“The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.”
-David Friedman

“Democracy: The state of affairs in which you consent to having your pocket picked, and elect the best man to do it.”
-Benjamin Lichtenberg

“The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic.”
-H.L. Mencken

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